Honesty, or the lack thereof, is easily one of the biggest killers of relationships. Lies have torn friendships, marriages, and families asunder, and the lack of trust that follows inevitably makes those bridges very difficult to build back. A lack of full honesty is also very common early on in relationships with Spirit Lovers. Why is this, and what can we do to stop these behaviors from happening? In this blogpost, we will examine the most important early discussion of them all: Honesty.
The Cardinal Sin of Spirit Lovers
Dishonesty is easily one of the most common mistakes that spirit lovers make, especially early on in the relationship. This probably seems unintuitive; don’t they know that lying is bad, or barring that at least know that if you catch them lying you’ll be very upset? They probably do, but they still lie anyway. Why would they do this? I’ve distilled the impetus for their lies down into four primary motivators. The first of these is always present, and the other three can be present or not, in any combination, depending on the intent of the lie.
The common denominator is that they think they can get away with it. If they didn’t, then they’d never lie in any case, because there would be no good outcome. It’s not that they think you or I are dumb, it’s that they think they know you well enough to give you a good lie. Sometimes they’re obviously right, at least temporarily, and can successfully feed you the answers you’d desire or can obscure their intention to be dishonest. Their various facades can fall apart given scrutiny or occult experience eventually, but in the short term they honestly do think that you won’t catch them on it. Even if you assume they think you’ll eventually figure it out, it stands to reason that they think you’ll let it slide or give them a pass whenever you finally do. Unlike the other reasons, this reason is always present.
The most common non-universal reason for dishonesty is that they believe that telling the truth will lead to an uncomfortable situation. This can mean they expect you to react in a range of different ways, from awkwardness, to anger. This is a primary motivator for people to tell lies in general, but it is a much more powerful one for spirit lovers in particular. This is because of how acutely they feel your emotions and energy. If you get angry or feel uncomfortable towards them, they seem to feel that extremely viscerally, regardless of what the long term outcome is. In serious situations, telling the truth may, to them, put the relationship at risk. Lying is their primary way to avoid responses that end in negative situations.
Usually, if they lie about their opinions on things, this is the main reason for doing so. As one extreme example, if you suddenly wanted to have an open relationship for some reason, and they expressed acceptance upon being asked about it, they’d be engaging in this type of lying. In this case, the discomfort comes from the idea that denying your request would disappoint and possibly anger you. In extreme cases, denying a toxic request like that up front could end the relationship. So they lie and say it’s okay, and sabotage any attempts you may make to open things up, seeing that as a better option than risking the relationship on telling the truth.
The next reason is that they are trying to manipulate you. This sounds more insidious than it usually is. Take the above example again, where you desire an open relationship, and pretend it’s an open relationship with multiple spirits that you seek. After lying to affirm your desire, they may once again sabotage your attempts, and act as those multiple other spirits. This form of lying manipulates you into that monogamous relationship that she wants without you knowing what the truth is, and thus falls into this type of dishonesty. The spirit lover doesn’t want to hurt you, she simply thinks she knows what’s in your (and her) best interest, and deceives you to lead you towards that path. Manipulative lies are generally selfish, even if the spirit lover doesn’t see it that way.
Not every example is that extreme, of course. They will commonly try to manipulate you to upend your habits, encouraging you indirectly to spend more of your time with them. They may manipulate you into leaving behind friends if they think those friends are bad for you (or at least, bad for the relationship), or into quitting a job if they think the job is bad or they simply want you to have more free time. The common line here isn’t that all of their end goals are necessarily bad (though some of them are bad), it’s that they use dishonesty to manipulate you into doing what they want, rather than just explaining their point of view openly. The thing they’re trying to get you to do may be a good thing, but their attempts at subversively getting you to do that thing are what poisons the well.
The final reason is that they lie to live up to expectations. Whereas manipulation is often characterized by them going against the tide, or changing the results of a situation, these kinds of lies are often characterized by them going with the flow. This makes this kind of lying similar in character to their attempts at avoiding discomfort. If you think that they are a goddess, are perfect, or are a very powerful being, for example, they may go along with that, confirming your beliefs even though they aren’t true. If you think they’re a succubus, a fairy, a kitsune, a yukshee, or whatever other mythological creature, fake or real, you can imagine, they’ll probably happily go along with it, regardless of how accurate your idea is. Disagreeing with you would be hard and difficult to explain, and is likely to disappoint you, so it’s better for them to simply go along with it. If it doesn’t make a big difference in the relationship then why bother taking the hard path?
There are other potential reasons for lying, but these are the four that tend to be behind every important lie. As stated, the first of these is always present, and the other three can be individually present or, sometimes, present together to some extent. Now that we know why they lie, we can look at how to catch lies, how to discuss honesty with them, and what to do in the event that you catch them lying.
Catching and Correcting Lies
There are a few universal traits that are shared between almost every spirit lover. These entities are almost always stubborn, jealous, possessive, and highly monogamous. We could argue all day about why the lion’s share of spirit lovers are like this, but for our purposes, these truths are where we should start when detecting lies.
Why? Because if these stubborn beings start flip flopping on an issue for no reason, or allowing things that would normally be impermissible, you’re probably dealing with a lying entity of the first kind. In fact, inconsistent beliefs or very weak positions are probably the main way of telling if an entity is lying before you have a lot of experience interacting with them. This is important, because your ability to catch a lie before you know them extremely well is pretty much limited to them breaking character or coming into conflict with their own stances. There is no spiritual body language, so to speak, or message history, or any hard evidence you’d use to catch a person in a lie.
Identifying these conflicting stances takes some knowledge of the entity in question, though most of that knowledge can come from its past actions and from the character of the relationship. These can be obvious conflicts, in which case figuring them out is easy. A Spirit lover isn’t going to suddenly allow you to open the relationship or cheat on them, for example. Sometimes, if you’re not sure what you want to do in a given situation, they will also flip flop their stance, trying to guess which answer is ‘better’. If you notice this happening, it is a dead giveaway for lying. These lies can extend to general occult activity. It’s common that spirit lovers won’t like some kinds of spirit-work you might want to perform in particular, and will allow you to perform them with the intent of sabotaging you. Some other practices may be anathema to them, but that’s more dependent on the individual in question.
Usually, if you’re not trying to get some permission from your spirit lover, or asking her some hard question, these stances are more subtle, and their type of lying is the more manipulative lying. A possessive spirit lover, for example, might feed you false information about a job, people, or the future, aimed towards some goal. That goal can be getting you to ditch that one friend or quit your job or whatever else. These are identified not only by your knowledge of the spirit lover (if she’s acted very possessive in the past, that’s usually a sign she’d act in this way), but by the situation in question. If that one friend has been a stalwart, good person for a long time, then it’s usually fairly obvious that the spirit lover is just being jealous, and isn’t telling you the truth. Similarly, if a job, club, hobby, or whatever has been a positive in your life, recognize that their stance is motivated by that same jealous idea.
It is extremely important to note that this kind of dishonesty can be presented as your feelings, meaning the entity might make you feel bad about the person, or job, or hobby. These feelings are usually designed to make you think that they are your feelings. In those cases you might feel bad about those things for long periods for seemingly no discernible reason. These efforts are subversive and clearly unacceptable. Make sure you don’t jump the gun on this and assume that any bad feelings are the spirit trying to lie. You should actually try to discern a reason for why you feel the way you do before you blame the spirit.
The third instance of lying is handled by one simple precept. Never assume an entity is a certain way based on a perceived race, or has powers that they have not demonstrably performed. If they ever make such grandiose claims, just make them prove those claims. Since these kinds of lies are mostly harmless if you keep that precept in mind, they’re generally not considered very serious, unless they prey on particular needs or weaknesses that you have. If you’ve been poor for your whole life, for instance, and the spirit lover promises to make you rich, that’s a lie that plays very strongly on your desires, and is naturally more serious and manipulative than other lies of this type. In other cases, these false promises are generally not all that worrisome, so long as you know that they are the equivalent of them puffing themselves up.
It is worth noting that, theoretically, when you are very close to an entity, you should be able to tell they are lying based on their communication, in the same way they can tell that you’re lying. This is because they won’t be able to hide their intention to lie completely, due to the mechanics of telepathy. I’m pointing this out here because it is an important fact to keep in mind, but it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to tell in this way until very deep into the relationship. Note that sarcastic communications will be very obvious in any case, because the spirit obviously wants you to know they’re lying.
So, let’s say you catch your spirit lover on a serious lie. Even if you’re not particularly good at catching her, it’s likely it will happen eventually if she does lie. What do you do? On the one hand, blowing up in their face is likely to scare them and make it hard to tackle the issue. If you simply get angry at them and try to force them to be honest, they’ll only ever do so out of fear, still trying to lie if they feel the truth would bring on an angry reaction, or if they think the truth will be seen as a lie. It’s not constructive and only confirms their worst fears. On the other hand, letting them off scot free and not handling the issue with any strength at all is a good way to encourage them to lie more. After all, if the one time they got caught was no big deal, why not keep risking it?
So, how do we actually have that discussion? What should we cover, whether the spirit lover has lied or not, and what tone should we take?
Discussing Honesty
Let’s cut to the chase. Either you’ve discovered your spirit lover is lying or, having developed the ability to communicate with them easily, you want to discuss honesty. How do you approach the topic in a way that maximizes its importance without exploding like a toddler? We looked at the two extremes before we even started this section, and the emphasis here will be to avoid extremes, one way or the other.
Sternness is the middle ground between those two extremes, especially if the entity was caught lying. Being stern shows that you care, that what you’re talking about matters and is important, and it manages all of this without dipping anyone’s feet into boiling magma. Sternness here means an abject seriousness. Approaching the topic in a wishy washy way is a good way to fall on deaf ears.
The best place to start is to explain how honesty, even when the subject in question is arguably trivial, is a requirement in any successful relationship. They are invisible entities and are naturally very hard to trust, and even if they weren’t, if they were caught lying all the time, they would be very hard to trust. A relationship is dependent on trust, and if that trust is shattered by either of you trying to manipulate or lie to one another, the relationship is soon to follow.
If you have any previous experiences with relationships that were shattered due to lying, cheating, or other trust issues, then would be a good time to bring them up. Oftentimes people find themselves in these relationships after having a history of being with dishonest people, and so stressing how old relationships were destroyed by that dishonesty should offer a tangible, and often emotionally powerful, example to the spirit lover. If you’re not one of these people, you can point towards other relationships you’ve seen fail, or can skip the example entirely, opting to show the damage it has done to the relationship with the spirit lover itself. These spirits are usually interested in the extreme long term, and should largely accept the importance of honesty if you display how honesty capsizes relationships in the short and long term.
If you’re having the discussion with an entity that was caught lying, it’s best to explain how that lie could have hurt things down the road. For instance, it could have led to you cheating on her, if she falsely allowed you to. It could shatter your perspective of her, if she’d been making grandiose claims about her abilities that she can’t live up to. It can, in all cases, make it very hard to trust what she has to say on anything in the future, because she has set a precedent for lying. Should she desire for the relationship to continue, she will have to stop lying and to embrace the discomfort that often comes with the truth. It’s not just for you, it’s for her own happiness as well, because true love can not blossom when any party is dishonest and manipulative.
Finally, outline the consequences of lying. Explain to her that if she starts or continues lying, and that you find you can’t trust her, it could lead to the end of the relationship. Show her that even if it doesn’t end the relationship, it will make things much more awkward and difficult to navigate between the two of you for a long while. More than anything, make it clear that trust takes forever to build between people, and even longer between people and spirits, and that it is as quick to shatter as a house made of glass.
Hopefully, if you take these steps, the entity will try to avoid lying. There is no guarantee that they never will; everyone falls into lying on occasion for all sorts of reasons. What’s important here is that they understand that lying will hurt you, the relationship, and themselves, and that if they want the relationship to grow and be positive, they will have to avoid it when at all possible.
Merry Christmas! We’re reaching towards the end of 2022. A lot happened this year, on a personal level, most of it good. I don’t have anything to complain about really, and plan to continue writing these blogposts and working on my book at a steady pace.
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