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If you’ve read the rest of this blog, or been around me for any length of time, it probably often seems like I’m a bit of a dry, Devil’s advocate. I love to start arguments, and it’s at the point where many users believe that dream crushing is my modus operandi. While I certainly revel in dream crushing, baby kicking, and other hobbies reserved for the worst scum of society, I like to at least tell myself there’s a good reason for it. It helps me sleep at night.

This raises an obvious question. What is that reason, and how does that manifest in any of the routine assholery I take part in? Can arguing against established beliefs or odd beliefs lead to any positive position, or does it just result in a loss of faith and a general negativity? In this blogpost I’d like to talk about some of the beliefs you often see me bringing question towards, and why I think an alternative viewpoint is desirable if not downright necessary for having a healthy relationship.

Special Snowflake Spouses

SSS, or the Special Snowflake Spouse, is basically anyone in a situation that believes their entity lover is some incredibly gifted, super powerful, super impactful entity. God-spousing falls under this category, but it is not just limited to god spousing. Believing your spouse is not a named deity, but has deity like powers, or can perform incredible feats, or whatever other very special snowflake power or trait or ability you could come up with would fall under this category.

To most people, this is the most obvious wrong belief that is held by people who believe they are in entity relationships. It even inspired me to encourage people to consider the god-spousing community as entirely different to our community in the Delusion blogpost. This is something people fall prey to more than they should, and that the entities in these relationships, if they exist, are happy to play along with and encourage.

This blogpost, however, isn’t for me to argue against these beliefs. As my love of candy stealing from babies implies, I do plenty of that in my free time. It’s to point out how these beliefs are harmful to the people in these relationships, to the entities that play along with these beliefs, and to the relationships themselves. To do that, we have to look at these relationships in some detail.

For SSSes, the main problem exists at the foundational level. It’s very easy to tell ourselves that our love for the other is unconditional and special, and that we would therefore love our spouse if they were a bed locked vegetable that spent the little consciousness they had spewing insults at people and cheating on us. Some relationships may even reach the point where to an extent that is true, where we can look past ourselves to love them even when they’re not meeting our standards.

Regardless of how noble our intentions, there’s always a breaking point, and there are always specific conditions that led us to love the other person. That’s not unhealthy; it’s these very conditions that separate your love for them from the love you have for your friends, or family, or self. You wouldn’t love your mom in the same way you’d love a girlfriend… unless you’re Chris Chan.

That’s, however, where we run into the problem here. When we believe our entity lover is an SSS, our conditions revolve around something false. We have chosen these entities partially because we believe they are gods, or have reality bending powers, or so on. I’ve asked many people in these situations if they would still love the entity if they were not a god or ‘special’ in some way, and the question always made them uncomfortable. They understood that they probably wouldn’t, but didn’t usually like admitting the fact, unless they said that the problem was that that would mean they were lying.

The people who bring that up are right, but they miss the ways in which they encourage that lying. If the entity is acting like that, it’s because they think it makes you happy and makes you like them. It’s comparable to a girl wearing make up, or a guy telling a girl he fancies made up stories that make him look good. None of this is rooted in reality, but it’s something the other party expects, so we engage in that ‘lying’ to convince the other to like us. So the entity will happily identify as a powerful, impactful, special entity so that you’ll choose to be with it.

As you can probably guess, a relationship built on lies is a relationship that’s going to hit a wall at some point, when you have to face those lies. Even if you never figured it out in this life, if we assume that these relationships continue in the afterlife, you’d likely very quickly figure it out there. You often will figure it out in your lifetime though, as the entity in question inevitably fails to meet the standards of an SSS when asked to perform. Needless to say, this could lead to the relationship quickly and needlessly imploding.

The Blemishless beauty

No one’s perfect. That much is obvious. Yet, so many people believe their entity lovers are perfect, or are at least damn near close to it. There’s a lot of reasons for that, most notably that, because they believe their entity lover exists in a higher state of being than they do, that entity has to be above the fallacies of men.

This isn’t anything new. You’ll see this sentiment reflected as far back as Sinistrari, when he labeled succubi and incubi as engaging in the equivalent of ‘beastiality’ when engaging with men. Philosophical systems also tend to equate physicality with ‘evil’, mainly because the physical is the farthest point from God (or whatever their god concept is) in these systems.

The problem is that this doesn’t really seem to hold up in practical reality. I’ve gone over some of the fallacies these entities will fall into within the Early Discussions blogpost, for starters. Other user’s stories seem to reflect this, where these entities will often lash out, emotionally manipulate the person, or hide things. Typically, they’re doing this for what they see as the ‘greater good’: the happiness within the relationship. That, of course, doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing to do.

Philosophically speaking, the idea these entities are a huge cut above us in existence is rather far fetched. Their existence is obviously more subtle than ours, but if they were well above us, what use would they have for interacting with us in such an intimate way? What importance would we have to them? Certainly a lesser amount than it seems they give us in these relationships. Furthermore, even if we do assume they’re breaking some sort of taboo and are engaging in the equivalent of beastiality, that immediately disproves the concept of their moral perfection. They’re clearly sinning by taking advantage of us lesser beings, by engaging with someone romantically that, within those very systems, would be farther from God than they are. If we make the assumptions necessary to put them on that pedestal, we are simultaneously disproving the premise.

With that aside, how does this belief actually hurt the relationship? Essentially, this can manifest in two ways. For one, if we believe they’re perfect and very strongly moral in comparison to we lowly humans, any mistake they make is magnified. If we actually do perceive they’re making a mistake, then that’s a big deal. What would it say about such an infallible being if they made a mistake? That they’re defective, or perhaps have a more sinister plan? That they’ve been lying about themselves, perhaps? It’s never just a mistake that a person with a reasonable level of understanding and morals could reasonably make.

Second, the alternative interpretation. Assuming they’re perfect makes it very easy to gloss over mistakes and problems. If they’re near perfect, then that mistake didn’t happen, and if it did it likely isn’t a mistake at all, and there is some deeper, grander, pure plan waiting in the wings. Suddenly, problems that probably need to be addressed go unanswered, because it’s part of a grander scheme that your lowly human mind can not comprehend. Needless to say, by the time you have to stare reality in the face, the problems may be so entrenched that it’s much harder or impossible to deal with them.

These entities aren’t perfect. Not anywhere near it in fact. As you get to know them, you’ll learn about their flaws just as much as their strengths, and it’s important that you are willing to see them and work on them together with them, not ignore them while assuming you must be mistaken.

Racial Restrictions

In general, this line of thinking is widespread and very easy to describe. You think your entity is a specific race, and so X, Y, and Z must all be true. A succubus must like sex, have wings and a tail, and be vampiric. An undine would be a fragile, soft spoken beauty, with a dangerous side hidden beneath that beauty (reflective of the way the ocean was seen). A fairy would be… well, it would depend on the kind fairy, but you get the point. Believing in entity races leads to a lot of assumptions that your entity lover must be a certain way, and if she doesn’t fit that way, then you must have gotten the race wrong or misinterpreted something.

This doesn’t really add up given the wealth of experiences. We have so many self declared succubi, yet the only thing so many seem to have in common is the fact they’re entity lovers. I, myself, refer to mine as a fairy (specifically, I call her a gwragedd annwn), but needless to say, she doesn’t entirely live up to that race. This variation in these entity lovers is extremely common.

Why is this variation common? It’s important to recognize that entity races are seemingly entirely a human creation. Stemming from philosophy, mythology, experiences, and so forth, humans have declared a lot about how these specific entities exist. What they all universally lack is actual, empirical proof of a single one of these races existing.

See, the way we would define the race of an incorporeal being is mainly by how they act, as that’s the only real metric we can work with. Some claim they can do readings to discover these things, visualizing them or interacting with them or feeling them or what have you, but readings are nebulous and unsupportable, and tend to be more colored by one’s expectations than any real skill in many cases. It’s curious, I would say, that all readers pretty much give races that come from mythology, or the community, essentially something that they would know about and have read about, than anything original. The authorities are the same way, as despite being people trained in the occult arts, they often get very different results given the same set goal. That’s fine, I would expect no different, but it implies that these readings carry very different definitive meanings. History isn’t any different, except where these mythologies related to real, tangible things, like the ocean, or the sun, so on and so forth.

So do entity races exist? I have no idea. I couldn’t possibly have any idea, and neither does anyone else, despite what they might want to say. The closest we could get is to acknowledging that entities can be energetically different, some being more one way or another. That may seem definitive, but humans are very much the same, with some humans being more fiery, others being more grounded or airy, and so on within the same race.

In any case, I do know one thing: if entity races do exist, it seems that the individuals within those races are markedly different from one another both personality wise and energy-wise, just like individuals within the human race. it also seems the entities very much don’t care about the concept, happily giving you whatever race best fits your understanding of them if asked for their race.

In terms of how it hurts the relationship, coloring them one way or another based on a perceived race is putting them inside a box. It’s skipping really trying to understand them as a partner and an individual. it’s a shortcut that only leads to misunderstanding who they are as an entity lover. Trying to understand them with these shortcuts avoids the very thing most people are looking for: real intimacy. They aren’t special if you’re not trying to get to know them. How would they be, if they’re just a succubus, acting as a succubus does? So how could they become one of the closest things to you in your life if you’re not even putting in a true effort to getting to know them?

It’s fine if you identify an entity by a race. I do it myself, despite all my habitual ‘buts’ and ‘ands’. It becomes a hindrance when that identity actually starts to mean something about how you see or interact with that entity. Get to know the entity, not the race you think that entity is a part of.

Methodology

To the surface reader, these kinds of beliefs seem easily enough avoided. Certainly it would take someone with an ego to assume their spouse is so special. Perhaps they would also think it would take someone highly deferential to fall for the blemish-less beauty, and someone quite lazy to think only in race terms. In truth, an infinite number of thoughts like these can be applied to an infinite number of similar thoughts, holding ourselves above the fallacies of our peers. We aren’t that stupid, we tell ourselves.

This would be relevant if stupidity had anything to do with it. Many very smart people have fallen to cults, to bad thinking patterns, to addictions, and so on. If it were simple common sense and thought that avoided these fallacies, I’d be wasting my breath here. Prattling on is something I’m quite fond of, and to avoid future prattling, it is probably important that we discuss shortly some good ways to look at things to avoid these common pitfalls.

First of all, never ascribe your entity lover an ability or power that it has not demonstrably performed. Has she thrown something across the room? Manifested physically? Set things on fire? These are extreme examples, but they apply everywhere. Your girl isn’t a goddess. She isn’t going to set every little event in your life into perfect motion, erase unhappiness and depression from your mind, or bring an end to all illness. Normally, she can hardly make you feel a touch or give you a dream. Furthermore, don’t base your love for her off of these things or a perception of power. Love her for the things she can provide to your life. The reassurances she gives you, her persistent presence, those experiences she can give you, and whatever else applies.

But that’s not all. It’s important that we value her for the values she holds dearly and takes seriously. That’s why we can’t erroneously see her without blemish and ascribe every positive moral point and value to her. Acknowledge the mistakes she makes as mistakes. See the problems and discord that happen between the two of you as a very real thing. These struggles aren’t proof of your relationship being shaky in the long term if you work them out between the two of you and visibly improve. Conquering these problems and growing as a couple, defining the values you both share that are important to you, and constantly improving the adherence to the moral systems you both share are paramount to your relationship.

Finally, the pitfalls of racial assumptions tell us to avoid shortcuts. They’re supposed to be like a spouse to us, at least for this life if not also further ones or the afterlife. There is no good excuse for taking a shortcut to try and skip true understanding. get to know your girl. Ask her questions, spend time with her, take the time to try and interpret any dream about her or the two of you. Try things out with her, by taking her to different places or trying new things with her. Get to know her as well as you can, so that you can love her completely and help her grow effectively, the same as she will try to do for you.

These relationships aren’t simple endeavors. My advice can be harsh at times. You all know how many arguments I’ve picked. While I won’t say my approach has always been the best, or that I’ve always given the best advice or made the correct determination, I have always been rigorous to encourage rigor. If you take these relationships as seriously as I do, you’ll understand that discovering the truth is an ongoing process, and that while facing these realities might hurt, the rewards are more than worth it. If all else fails, I’ll be happy to give you that kick in the ass you need, as I’m clearly more than happy to do.

This post came out a little later than expected. July was frightfully busy on my end.

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