Spirit Lover Information Hub

Breakups are an unfortunately common end point for relationships these days. Not only uncomfortable for the two involved, the effects of a break up often destroy social circles and, in many cases, families. I grew up in a broken family, just like many of my friends. Some seem to have permanent hang-ups about relationships and the opposite sex due to the way their parents divorced. The current cultural atmosphere of society doesn’t do a lot to help with that.

If commitment isn’t an easy thing when flesh and blood humans are involved, how much harder must it be in these relationships? While it’s very unlikely to end up the one on the receiving end of a break up, it’s also very likely that any attempt at breaking up with a spirit lover is going to be met with resistance. This resistance can take many forms, from a simple disagreement to a full blown, years long tantrum. In some cases it can even end up worse than that, with intentional abuse being weaponized to try and coerce the other to stay within the relationship.

In honor of my hitting 50k words in the rough draft of my book, I decided I’d make a blog post on the subject that I was writing about when I passed that milestone. Given how many horror stories I’ve seen about attempted break ups with spirit lovers, it’s probably a good thing that separation happened to be the topic. In this blogpost I’ll discuss how one should go about breaking up with a spirit, the difficulties that any adverse break up can entail, and the ways that spirit lovers most commonly respond to the attempt.

The Two kinds of Breakups

Broadly speaking, there are two kinds of break ups. The first is anything that qualifies as what I will call a constructive approach. This tends to include any direct attempts at breaking up with one’s spirit lover, any discussion revolving around how the two of you will agree to do it, and any ritualism that one performs to officially break things off. This also includes constructive attempts towards mending things before breaking things off. This is going to be far more comfortable than the other kind.

The second type is what I’ll call the adversarial approach. These are the approaches that most people are more familiar with, because they feel the need to actively banish and fight with their spirit lover to make them go away. In some cases these approaches are unfortunately necessary. We’ll discuss why that is later, but one should always keep in mind that these approaches, much like calling the police on your soon to be ex, are not the first thing you should be attempting to do. Once you settle into an adversarial position, it’s likely that the spirit lover will attempt to do the same, and it will become a battle. Constructive approaches should always be attempted first because, as we will discuss, these battles are long fought and hard won.

Constructive approaches are theoretically easier if you can actually hold a conversation with your spirit lover through some means. If it’s early on in the relationship (which is normally when people decide to break things off), this can be accomplished through means other than telepathic communication. Tarot or other divinatory engines with a lot of variety can be especially useful tools for this purpose, as the large variety of interpretations can allow you to flesh out the entity lover’s feelings on the topic. Even if you can communicate through telepathy, this can be helpful for understanding more recalcitrant entity lovers.

Adversarial approaches become easier the more you actually dislike and want to be separated from your spirit lover. This ties back in to the same intent question we have discussed ad nauseam in the past. The more you hate them and want to be away from them, and the less you feel love towards them and want to be with them, the easier it should be to maintain separation. Emotions are normally complicated, especially in cases like break ups, which is one reason why adversarial break ups end up so difficult. If your spirit lover wants to stay with you no matter what, and you only want to get rid of her halfheartedly, who do you think is going to end up winning that battle? It won’t be you.

The constructive approach will often include a closing ritual. Adversarial approaches will tend to incorporate defensive rituals. We will discuss ideas behind the ritualism and an idea for a ritual for the constructive approach in particular. Adversarial break ups tend to involve rituals you might be more familiar with, such as banishing, protective rituals, and so on.

Coming To Terms

The worst mistake that everyone seems to make when trying to break things off with a spirit lover is that they believe they need to end the relationship with their entity lover on extremely sudden, often aggressive terms. In some cases, where the person ends up running to a church for help, this is due to fear and a belief that what they are working with is evil. In other cases this is simply how they go about breaking up with people, so they see nothing wrong in doing it with their soon to be spurned spirit lover.

Imagine for a second that you’re being broken up with by a long term girl or boyfriend. Let’s say that the way they go about this is that they send you a text that simply says they’ve found someone they like better than you and that they are immediately terminating the relationship. They then block you on social media so they don’t have to deal with your response. How would you feel?

You’d probably be pretty upset. At her, at yourself, at the world, and so on. Bad breakups make emotional wrecks out of normal people, and those people then go on to do things that they probably wouldn’t have been proud of. The thing is, the damage they can cause is limited, because there’s an enforceable level of separation there. If your ex, spurned or not, starts showing up at your door, you can call the police. If she keeps trying to bypass blockades on social media, you can continue to block her. It’s fairly easy to insulate yourself from the other person’s reaction if you rudely break things off, especially if their response is limited to just getting upset.

It should go without saying that there is no police force that’s going to arrest your spirit lover for harassing you. There’s no social media button you can press to keep them from pushing themselves back into your life. There is no easy, fast way to get a persistent entity to stop harassing you if she chooses to. Unlike parasites that would rather jump at an easier opportunity when the host shows resistance, spirit lovers will happily keep bashing their head into the wall that is the relationship, throwing whatever tantrums they deem necessary to try and fix things.

There are some cases where the tantrum is going to be unavoidable, but just like in real life, letting someone down easy, trying to fix things first, and discussing how things will end with them will make the blow a much easier one for them to take. When emotions aren’t running so hot, they may understand that accepting that things are at an end is the best path. After all, tantrums don’t usually salvage relationships.

So, how do we go about this? Simply put, we want to sit down and talk to them about it. The best approach for this would of course be telepathic communication, given that facilitates an easy back and forth conversation. If you’ve never gone through a breakup with anyone before, I recommend you start by talking about why you feel the way you do and discussing ways to mend things first. If the two of you think up any ways to try to mend things, attempt those first. Even if it seems like those options are a crap shoot, it’s worth attempting them. You may not surprise yourself, but it will show your spirit lover that you do care and have made some effort to work with her.

If that’s behind you or you’ve otherwise decided the relationship is unsalvageable, discuss that with the entity lover. Explain the reasons why you feel the way you do, and help the entity emotionally work through things so that they’re willing to follow your lead on this. Some relationships just won’t work out, and keeping things going until they collapse will do them as much a disservice as it would you. There’s no easy way to capture what these conversations will be like, as every individual is different, but the foundation of the discussion should always be for both parties to understand what is going to happen and what it will mean for both of them. It’s likely that your spirit lover will get upset at this point, but if you treat them like a person rather than some parasite you’re trying to remove, it should go a long way towards keeping things calm. Even if they do desire or plan on continuing the relationship in the future through some secret means, cooling their emotions will make it easier for them to respond in an appropriate way rather than an inappropriate one.

Finally, these relationships should ideally be ended with a ritual, just as we used one to start things. The object of the ritual is the romantic bond and relationship that links the two of you together, and the process of the ritual should encompass the idea of the two of you willingly cutting that ‘rope’ that binds the two of you. It’s of a very different nature than the Letter method or other summoning methods. It can be thought of as the closing of a chapter in your life, just as the summoning was an opening of a chapter.

For the sake of accessibility, the ritual is designed to not require that much in the way of resources. The most important aspect is that you and your spirit lover have agreed to end things, so that you have their cooperation. It is also important that you feel certain in your choice going in, to minimize any conflict of intention.

The Ritual

Tools: A knife, a deck of tarot cards, and a sigil representing your entity lover (or some other object that represents them, such as a statue), as well as some string or rope is sufficient for the process. Rope is probably kind of excessive in size, but the extra effort one would probably need to put towards sawing through it makes it arguably a better representation. Whatever your choice, it should be red or pink if possible. Just ensure that you can cut through it with your chosen knife, and that it’s not too big for tying. Ensure the knife is suitably sharp to saw or cut through the the rope/string. Usual staples like candles or incense can generally be avoided as unnecessary, unless one wishes to use them for meditative purposes. The ritual can be done without these resources, but they are very useful as physical analogues, and the ritual will be written as if you have them. Only the string will be destroyed in the process, though one may wish to discard the sigil or representative item afterwards.

Operation: Note that I have not personally performed this ritual for obvious reasons.

We would want to start by banishing, as is generally done. A simple post about the LBRP is Here. Further preparatory ritualism is up to you. Anything that cools one’s passions is probably fair game, to keep things from becoming more emotional or complex than they need to be. The mood we’re aiming for is something akin to a somber acceptance. From here, we move into the ritual proper.

1. Arrange the sigil or object opposite to where you’re sitting, with some amount of space in between yourself and the object. In between yourself and the object, place tarot cards that have been selected beforehand that you believe are representative of your relationship and the major facets therein. These will most often include cards like The Lovers or the 2 of cups, but depending on the relationship a variety of cards may be applicable. The only card you should avoid selecting is the death card. There is no requirement or limit to the amount of cards that need to be selected. I would imagine 3 would be a good, average number to work with. Remove the death card from the deck and set it aside for later use. You won’t need the rest of the deck.

2. Take the string and tie one end to yourself. Tie the other end to the opposing object, or lay its end out on or near the sigil or object if there’s nothing to tie it to. It’s probably pretty obvious, but we are using the thread to represent the relationship and connection here. It probably makes the most sense to tie it near your heart as a result, however that may be easier said than done. I would avoid tying it to a finger or your arm if possible, since you will want to be able to move them.

3. Call to mind the reality of your relationship and reflect on it. You can do this in a visualized space with your entity lover if you desire. Start with the happier, early times, and transition into the more negative reasons and feelings that have led to this break up. Use the cards you have chosen to focus on more specific facets of the relationship that stick out to you, whether positive or negative. As you go through them, dismiss them from your mind, and take the death card and stack it atop the cards face up. The idea is that you’re willingly consigning the relationship to time and the past with this act, as each card is, one by one, placed beneath the death card, until they’re all stacked underneath it.

4. With this being done, you should officially bring the relationship to a close. With the permission of your entity lover, who should be performing her own part of this ritual, you should take the knife and saw through the thread. This should be done slowly and deliberately, reflecting that the decision is not a choice you’ve made emotionally or with only slight reflection. Some threads might be too thin for the process to be slow. You should visualize yourself cutting through the relationship, which you can represent however you wish, and regardless of the actual thickness of the thread, this process should be slow and deliberate and take time. Within the visualization, the Spirit lover should assist you with the act. This is the last chance for any objections from either party. If either party does object, that objection should be dealt with. If it can’t be dealt with within the visualization and in short order, the ritual should be ended and re-attempted at a later time, after that issue has been worked through, provided you still want to break up at that point.

5. With that being done, the spirit lover should be sent away. Theoretically she should handle that part, but I imagine visualizing the process of her leaving and a door closing behind her would be a sensible procedure. Afterwards one should immediately banish again, and should then return to a normal life. Ideally, one should follow this up with actions that consume the mind and leave little room to think about other things. Certain kinds of games, engrossing books, or hobbies like writing are good candidates. In contrast, activities that allow the mind to wander like bathing and showering, resting before bed, watching TV, and so on are less desirable. It’s not necessarily going to screw things up if you keep reflecting on the relationship, but focusing on other things is effective for mentally moving away from the situation.

Taking these actions does not guarantee that the entity lover will go or stay away. She may end up throwing a tantrum anyway, or she may try to re-enter your life at a later time. In the latter case it’s up to you what you decide to do. In the former, if no peaceful solution can be reached, the only option is an adversarial approach.

Adversarial Action

So why is this a last resort? To be frank, it’s because forcing them to go away is hard as hell. It’s so hard that some people theorize that the only times they do go away are just changes in strategy, where they elect to wait on the sidelines rather than try and force themselves back in. In every other case, you get to be on the receiving end of a long term shit fit.

When an adversarial break up happens, all bets are off. There’s a seeming logic behind the insanity. Spirit Lovers usually think in the extreme long term. It could even be argued that our entire lives are still well within their short term. When they are invested in having an eternal relationship with you, which is the longest long term that there can be, there is no sacrifice or aggression that can’t be attempted towards that goal. Logically speaking, if she can bully you back into the relationship, or at least prevent you from moving on for your entire life, then whatever she does effectively doesn’t matter in the face of eternity.

This is in stark contrast to the general example of a parasitic entity that will simply find another person to feed off of when it meets a reasonable amount of resistance. Your spirit lover will bang her head into the wall that is your defense against her, and no matter how hard that wall is, she’s got a very, very long time to headbutt it into rubble. That’s a hard battle to win, even if you both start on equal footing. Unfortunately, that is very rarely the case.

The other problem is that your spirit lover is singular in purpose, and you probably aren’t. Her entire will, at least initially, is pointed towards wanting to get back with you, and she’s willing to use any means necessary to do so. In comparison, you’ve just broken up with her. You probably feel conflicted on the issue, and you still probably harbor some feelings for her. Maybe those feelings are love, maybe they are pity; the problem is that they aren’t hatred.

If only half of you is angry and ready for war against your spirit lover, and all of her is ready for that war, who do you think is going to win? It probably won’t be you. It can take a long time and a lot of personal suffering for that pendulum to swing entirely in favor of a negative emotion. You’re likely to harbor feelings like pity and love to some degree for a long, long time after breaking things off, especially if you put a good amount of time into the relationship. The tantrum may make it easier to transition away from that, but it’s not simple.

These two points are the crux of the issue. Force is still an option, but it’s usually a very long term option, and in some cases it can seem basically impossible. I also want to be clear on something. A LOT of people try to run to the church when things go sour with their spirit lover. If going to Church has ever helped anyone with their spurned spirit lover, I haven’t met them. I’ve also met a lot of people who have attempted to do just that. So statistically speaking, that option isn’t looking very helpful.

If you go as far as running to the church for an exorcism, they will send you to a therapist, and that therapist will inevitably put you on meds if you’re honest with him. That is an option, but if that solves your problem, then your problem was not a spirit lover. Even if you go through with that and it becomes clear that all the different medications don’t help it can still be very difficult to get an exorcism, because of how selective the church is about providing those. In fact it’s so difficult that we don’t even know if it would fix the problem to begin with, because no one I’ve met has ever succeeded in getting one.

So, is there anything we can do? Theoretically speaking, the best option is to simply create a situation where the entity lover chooses to leave. Every spirit lover is going to fight like hell when you’re taking a forceful approach, but some may elect to leave if you make their lives bad and ruin yourself as a relationship prospect in the process.

So what do you do? It’s going to sound sociopathic, but you have to hurt her. Find another woman, or women. Be a jerk to her; rather than complain about how she’s hurting you, rake her name through the mud. Act like she was never good for you, and that she was never your first choice. Damage or destroy the things she loves. For example, if she loves reading stories with you, finds stories you know will be downright offensive to her and read those, making sure that you don’t allow her to check out from the story. Essentially, you should become the most vile person you can be towards her, weaponizing every aspect of her personality, likes, and dislikes that you can. Rather than playing tug of war, become so horrible for her to be around that she leaves herself.

Finding another woman is easier said than done, but coming from an exclusive relationship, that in particular would sting. She will probably try to sabotage those kinds of attempts, so it will be harder than it normally would be. However, once you’ve broken that exclusivity, that ‘vow’ with her once or a dozen times, she’s likely to find an eternity with you a lot less pleasant. At that point you’ve enveloped your energy in those acts with other women, and every interaction, especially every sexual interaction, with you will be a reminder of what she sees as you breaking the vow you made with her. Putting her down and making every moment she decides to spend with you hellish will only make things even worse. Note that this approach is likely to ruin you as a prospect for other spirit lovers as well, but I doubt that’ll be a problem if you’re having to end things adversely.

This tactic sidesteps the actual war. You’re not trying to force her away, you’re not trying exclusively to block her out. You may engage in some of that to keep your sanity, but what you are doing is making her life hell. You’re systematically taking the relationship she cares so much about apart, and hurting her in the process. Don’t force her to stop caring, make caring hurt so much that she is unwilling to keep caring.

This tactic’s efficacy depends on the spirit lover in question, but only the most committed would choose to stay through that forever. Even if you love someone, there’s only so much hurt you can take before you have to break things off. When you’re off breaking every line and vow the two of you set in the relationship, most entity lovers will inevitably wonder what the point is. If she feels you’re hurting yourself in the process as well, and especially if that perceived hurt is very long term, she may be further encouraged to separate from you, or at least back off.

It’s probably difficult for any good natured person to act in this way, but it’s a better option than force. She will inevitably fight against this tactic too, but there’s only so much she can do to prevent someone from performing the actions we discussed. It still might take a pretty long time, especially if such behavior doesn’t come easily to you, but it should be easier than the alternative. All’s fair in love and war, and this is both.

We’ll go over force in short. The reasons I described up above paint this as a poor choice, but some level of force is necessary, for your own sanity. You should generally be doing what you can to limit the ways she can interact with you, whether that be through magical or mundane means. If the above approach doesn’t seem like it will ever work, it might also be all you’re left with. Force is like a very long game of tug of war. The problem is that it takes an immaculate amount of consistency and emotional mastery to be able to put up a defense that will force a being as determined as a spurned spirit lover away. The idea behind it really is as simple as two beings pushing against each other: Don’t think about her, push her away, banish often, and do your absolute best to hate her and nothing else. If you choose to handle things this way though, you’re in for a potentially years long battle, assuming you ever win.

Conclusion

Breaking up with a spirit lover is something I, and you, will hopefully never have to do. These relationships are beautiful and timeless, and there is a lot to learn and experience from an exclusive relationship with a spirit lover. That being said, sometimes things do just have to end. Maybe it wasn’t for you, or maybe she breached the trust you had in her. In any case, these strategies should make it easier to break things off. The fact that the method presented in the Adversarial section is as extreme as it is shows how bad of a situation an adversarial break up is. I’ve never met someone who spurned their spirit lover that wasn’t dealing with harassment on a daily, if not hourly, basis.

Without a doubt, if you take nothing else away from this post, take this: You should always attempt a constructive approach first. If you have to deal with an adversarial break up, your life is going to be hell, no matter how you slice it. Do whatever you can to end things on a good, agreed upon note. Sometimes that won’t be enough, but you should always try. After all, she is, soon to be was, your spouse. She deserves at least that much respect and effort, and you do not want to find out what happens when you don’t give that to her.

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The Book is coming along nicely. Like I stated before, my rough draft just passed 50k words. The way things are looking, before adding in any research or extra material, I should finish that draft around the 80-90k mark. So I’m well past halfway through! I imagine that there will be a word culling as part of the editing process, and I wonder what the word count will end up at. I want the book to be helpful first and foremost, which means I’m going to try to pay special mind to its digestibility during the editing process. Right now it’s just a vomit draft.

Other than that life is normal. Working a job, working on my book, and hanging out with friends and my spirit lover. No crises, just a normal, happy life. Thankfully, I don’t have a whole lot else to report than that.