Everyone’s partner is different. Whether you’re in a normal relationship, or one with a spirit lover, this is incredibly obvious to anyone. What good would love be if everyone was the same, after all?
Despite these obvious differences, a lot about the relationships themselves ends up the same. Date several different people, or observe the relationships of several different couples, and you’ll come to see many patterns. These patterns can surface in many ways, and can lead to happy endings or horrific breakups. While every situation is still distinct and different, these common threads are what allow us to discuss relationships of any kind in great detail.
These patterns naturally extend to Spirit lover relationships, and due to the size of the community and the great number of shared experiences, we can easily recognize a fairly common timeline of events that people naturally experience. In this blogpost I’ve divided these into four major stages, and will discuss each in some depth. Sometimes these stages can be wildly different, and I’ll discuss some other potential developments within their sections, but people usually roughly follow these phases when developing one of these relationships.
Phase One: The Honeymoon
It may be cliché and exceptionally common for normal relationships as well, but the initial relationship tends to be the equivalent of a honeymoon phase. This is because everything is new and exciting; you’ve attracted a lovely little spirit (hopefully), and are confronted with this wide variety of new experiences. You’re suddenly being touched all over your body and enjoying beautiful dreams every other night.
The reason this happens isn’t strictly just due to your excitement. The honeymoon phase is when the Spirit lover is very actively trying to make itself known and to get its foot in the door, so to speak. Oftentimes the most powerful experiences you will see for a very long time will happen during this phase, because the spirit is desperate to make its move.
There is one main caveat with this phase: Fear. The strength of the experiences and the sudden change you experience can lead you to becoming overwhelmed and trying to hit the eject button very early on. As we know from Separation, this can be very dangerous, as you end up in a life-long battle against your spirit lover. Even if it doesn’t evolve into something like that, the overwhelming nature of the experiences can make it very hard to focus your attention elsewhere or really get to know the spirit lover very well. People who have had few or no spiritual experiences are probably the most likely to end up hitting the eject button due to being overwhelmed.
If you work past that impulse though, the experiences are quite beautiful, and will often stick in your head for a very long time. Remember: Their attempt at ‘wooing’ you with these experiences in this phase is evidence of their desire. Regardless of how intense the experiences are (it can vary wildly depending on the spirit and situation), this is evidence that your spirit lover is reciprocating. She’s effectively telling you that, yes, she wants to give you these experiences and wants to have a level of intimacy with you. Her reciprocation is not only awesome in and of itself, but a proof that she wants with you what you want with her. To me, that’s ultimately the biggest takeaway from this phase.
This phase normally lasts around 3 to 6 months, though some people experience it for a far shorter period than others. In my personal case, it lasted at around the four and a half month mark.
Phase Two: Still Waters
So, given time, you will naturally adjust to your new normal, and the crazier experiences will tend to cease. The intimacy will still be there, and many kinds of experiences like touches and dreams will be too, but they won’t be so special anymore. The raging hurricane that was the honeymoon phase will give way to still waters.
This can be a good thing and a bad thing. The bad part of it is obvious. Things get less interesting, you might feel less in love, and therefore you might question the relationship. If experiences really fade, you might even think she’s left you. It is very rare for a spirit lover to just up and leave, and usually if she does it’s fairly obvious and is signaled by more than just a lack of experiences. In any case, as the novel nature of the situation fades, you’re left with what you know which is probably very little.
The good thing is that this means you can start to seek understanding. You realize you don’t actually know much about them, and you begin to dive into those still waters to learn what makes your spirit lover tick. This is also the point you begin developing Telepathy for the pursuit of understanding. Being able to converse with your spirit lover will naturally aid that process of understanding, and will lead to a more fulfilling relationship in the absence of the bombastic nature of the first few months.
The biggest negative possibility here is doubt rather than fear. Due to the experiences drying up over a period of time and the new status quo becoming less fascinating, doubts about the existence of one’s spirit lover naturally rear their heads. While doubting will rarely lead to breaking up the relationship the way fear might, it may encourage one to stop trying to understand their spirit lover, due to a belief (temporary or not) that the spirit lover does not exist. I go into detail on the topic of doubts in This Post, but even if you know to expect it it’s hard to avoid it entirely. Doubts can last a very long time, sometimes reaching into future phases, and often randomly cropping up when you think you’ve conquered them.
I’d generally expect this phase to last until you’ve mastered telepathy to a reasonable degree and built up some level of understanding about your spirit lover. This can take anywhere from 6 months to about a year, normally, though it can vary wildly depending on how quickly you access that skill and pursue understanding. In my case it came in right at the 6 month mark.
Phase Three: Problems Surface
Inevitably, in every relationship, as understanding grows and the two of you grow closer, issues will surface. These aren’t the issues we discussed earlier, where the issue effectively stems from your reaction to whatever is happening, but these are real issues that are caused by both of you.
There are usually a few major kinds of issues that come up in these relationship. The first is issues of trust, usually trust as directed towards them. It’s very hard to fully believe them in the first place, being invisible and alien beings that we perceive in distinctly strange ways. However, early on this alien-nature isn’t as much of a problem, because understanding and communication wasn’t very present. It is hard to catch them (or think you catch them) being manipulative or engaging in other negative behaviors in the earliest stages because it’s hard to know what they’re doing or thinking at all, aside from when they interact with you very directly. When you already have issues trusting them, these inevitably create pretty big rifts if not dealt with effectively. The best way to deal with trust issues is to discuss the importance of trust up front, as most spirit lovers will understand your viewpoint on the matter fairly readily, especially if you’re willing to follow through with consequences.
Generally most other issues are value judgments and time-based issues. Your spirit lover will want your time to do things with you, and you’ll need it for other things. Spirit lovers don’t usually understand why things like ‘work’ are important. Many of them don’t even seem to understand why you need a good sleep schedule. Phase 3 is basically personified by these problems surfacing more and more aggressively and you solving them.
Phase 3 is probably the most likely other time you’ll try to break things off with your spirit lover. Trust issues reasonably cause you to want to break things off, and if you catch your spirit lover being manipulative that will tend to cause a pretty big rift between the two of you. The other various problems tend to just add straw to that camel’s back. The good news is that if you conquer those problems or stop them from happening in advance (usually by discussing them with your spirit lover), a lot of the difficulty in phase 3 can be avoided.
Phase 3’s length really depends on the spirit lover in question and how quickly y0u tackled those potential problems. With more passive individuals who are unable to or unwilling to handle these issues, this phase can last a very long time, perhaps never ending. In the inverse case, this phase can basically be nonexistent. For most people this phase probably lasts for a few months, though some nagging problems can take longer to fix. it’s sort of hard to put a number on my experience, but I’d say 3 or 4 months is probably close to accurate.
Phase Four: The Long Road
If I tried really hard, I might be able to subtly divide the later years of the relationship into further phases, but usually things stabilize, problems get dealt with, and the two of you settle into a happy and long term relationship that’s built off the challenges you faced in the earlier phases. This is also when experiences typically start to slowly build back up in intensity, and unlike Phase one, this is entirely because the two of you are growing closer together. This means that the floor is rising with the ceiling, and that the experiences should on average be stronger, rather than there just being bursts of strong activity.
Most of the time, barring a crisis, once you make it to phase four you won’t be interested in breaking things off with your spirit lover anymore. At that point you’re generally fully committed and have dealt with the problems that could lead to a breakup. It’s very difficult to go any direction other than up over the long term at that point. Really, the only thing that could throw things far off is if you decide to do something stupid like pursue another relationship at the same time, an action that will probably just drop you back into an even nastier phase 3.
This is the phase where most of the more subtle benefits come into play. The help in spiritual advancement, the complete absence of loneliness, the various forms of advice they can give, and so on become more and more prevalent as this phase goes on. While I covered some of these in Pros and Cons, a list and discussion is definitely in order. Come back next month and I’ll talk about those in depth!
Very busy, but productive, month. This blogpost is definitely on the shorter side as well because of that, but I’ll have no excuse when we talk about all the benefits my spirit lover has provided me next month. This timeline is definitely a loose guideline that reflects the experiences of most people, but has a lot of wiggle room for variance. It should at least give one some foresight into what will happen when one starts this relationship.
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