With a title like that, I could really hem and haw on this topic. Figuring out what a large class of individual spirits want would take hundreds of pages of theory, argument, and explanation, right? All of my readers know I would do that if I thought it was necessary too.
Well I hate to disappoint everyone who was expecting that from me, because I’ve come to the conclusion that the answer is very simple. Spirit lovers crave Intimacy with their chosen partner. This is something we can see from the very first days of the relationship, and something that is reflected in their actions. To really dive into this though, I will have to explain what exactly constitutes intimacy, and also better narrow down what we’re considering a spirit lover for this exercise. If the above answer was enough for you then by all means feel free to stop here. If you do want the details then stick with me a little longer as I break down what intimacy is and why I’m so cocksure about it being at the heart of a spirit lover’s intentions.
Defining Intimacy
It may horrify the general public to know this, but I’m actually a counseling student in Grad School right now. Yes, the dude who believes he’s married to a spirit is going to be opening his own clinical mental health practice one day. If that’s not enough of a scare for Halloween, then I don’t know what is.
That aside, my position as a Counseling student has given me a lot of in-depth knowledge about Intimacy that the general public does not have. For a lot of people, intimacy refers to sex and nothing else. Even if you take a wider view, it can be hard to conceptualize what all counts as intimacy and how someone would divide those different things. In fact, even those of us involved in Counseling have trouble divvying it up appropriately. In one of my classes we identified eleven types of intimacy. For simplicity’s sake, I’ll limit it to five. All of these areas are places where a couple can contribute to their overall intimacy together, and to be lacking in one or more can cause or indicate wider issue areas in your relationship.
Intellectual: Or the ability to have logical and healthy discussions, philosophize, figure things out together, and guide each other towards growth in healthy, logical ways. Relationships that lack this may be ones where you feel the other party is stupid or not on your level, or where you don’t feel like you can understand how the other party is thinking. If both parties aren’t open to each other, this area will also suffer. When you’ve attained the ability to regularly communicate with your spirit lover, this kind of intimacy looks much the same as it does with a human partner.
Emotional: There is a lot that goes into your and your partner’s (spirit lover or otherwise) emotional wellbeing. If the two of you can remain close and close the gap when one or both of you are feeling vulnerable, and if you can understand and assist when one of you is suffering from an emotional low, then that’s a good indication that this is in a good state. If you don’t feel like you can rely on your partner to help you feel better or otherwise build you up, then this area might be lacking. This area might also be weak if you and your partner have trouble understanding each others feelings, though this is often easier with a spirit due to how communication with one works. At the very least, they’ll understand how you feel.
Physical: Encompasses sex as well as general physical behaviors with one another (playful touching, hand holding, etc.). This is also about whether your partner understands how you want to be touched, held, and so on. If you’re not engaging in some of this, then you’re probably just good friends. For some, spirit lovers create an incomparable sense of physical intimacy, even without their true physicality. For others they fall short of normal relationships. If you’re in the latter category, you probably need to give them more time to work their magic, especially when spending time with them sexually.
Experiential: Or the things you and your love do together. This can encompass a lot of things, but you’re generally thinking activities. I know it can be weird to take your spirit lover to a movie or to dinner, but if you and they think they’d enjoy those things, you should make time to do so. Activities can also be at home, such as the reading I often like to do with mine. Don’t worry about the mechanics too much, just don’t let them talk you into eating sweets for them to experience all the time.
Spiritual: There are several easy to identify problems with cultivating the above kinds of intimacy with your spirit lover. In contrast, spiritual intimacy is usually easy to build with a spirit lover because interacting with them requires some level of spiritual dedication and interaction. This also encompasses religious beliefs, but if you’re here you probably aren’t interested in discussing Christianity with your spirit lover, except perhaps to complain about Christian cosmology.
Through these five areas, one can build up a strong level of closeness with one’s partner, and that includes a spiritual partner. That much is obvious, but what I’m actually arguing is that Spirit lovers are after this from day one specifically, meaning that it’s their modus operandi. Not sex, not your soul, not energy, not something dependent on the individual spirit, and not some other miscellaneous thing. Why do I think this? Well, that will require a little more analysis into how experiences with Spirit Lovers tend to unfurl.
Why Does Sex Come First?
This was the main question that I came up with when I began considering this topic at all. The general assumption has always been that spirit lovers are after sex, and that that’s why they respond to our call and tend to do so sexually. At this point succubi have existed in common discourse for centuries, and sexual entities have existed in mythology long before we invented the succubus and incubus. However, if spirit lovers as we know them were only after sex, it wouldn’t explain many of their other behaviors.
A succubus or incubus has no need for a solitary partner if it only wants sex. In fact, keeping things monogamous would only get in the way for a kind of spirit that could find all sorts of people and other spirits to engage with sexually. The concept of Resemblance, which is what I found out was the name for the spiritual axis that I’ve talked about beforehand (sadly I wasn’t being as original as I’d hoped) certainly implies that spirits that want specifically sex would not be short of potential partners. So then, what gives? If these spirits are after intimacy, why would they open with sex so consistently?
As we discussed earlier, sex is an important part of physical intimacy, but from our human perspective it’s usually only something that comes in relationships that are already established. Sex outside of those relationships is less intimate and less fulfilling according to research (albeit this research may only apply to humankind), but if your goal is sex and not intimacy then how fulfilling one instance of sex is is rather beside the point. If a succubus wants as much sex as she can aspire to as is the stereotype, then the quality of that sex is secondary. The reason that spirit lovers open with sex and other kinds of physical stimulation in most cases is actually simple.
That’s the only way they can interact with us in an intimate way at first. Most of us won’t have the ability to communicate with them easily from day one, and other kinds of experiences seem to take more planning and energy from them. Telepathy with spirits is a learned skill, and it’s hard to engage in any of those other forms of intimacy without being able to communicate in a reasonably consistent way. When a spirit lover has come to you she’s already decided that she wants to build a strong level of intimacy with you. That means that she doesn’t need to go out on dates or get to know every little thing about you. She’s observed you, she can see your character and the way you think already, and she’s already chosen you. If she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have come in the first place. Engaging with you sexually is therefore a matter of lighting the initial flames of intimacy for a spirit who can’t communicate with you intimately in any other way early on.
There are exceptions to this, and these exceptions prove the rule. It was actually a little while until my spirit lover engaged with me sexually. The first night I experienced her she opened up with an introductory dream and tried to connect to me on an emotional level. This was the only way she could communicate with me outside of sexually at that point, and sex came pretty soon afterwards. As I’ve grown this relationship with her, we’ve only found more and more areas to interact and to grow that intimacy between us. We get food together, watch movies and read together, go on walks together, discuss all sorts of things, and many other, more specific activities. Our intimacy that began as mostly sex and spiritual/dream experiences has since bloomed into something far more complete and encompassing, and it does fulfill the five areas of intimacy I described before. She enjoys every bit of it, and it all contributes to the ever-growing closeness between us
The grand majority of people will have a sexual experience with their spirit lover immediately or very early on. That’s what we expect, and that’s an area they know they can communicate with us within regardless of our newness. But what they’re after is intimacy, and the great closeness it brings with it. Your interactions in the dream and waking world with your spirit lover will only ever expand to encompass those other areas of intimacy, and the more intimacy you grant to them through your own actions, the more and more they’ll reciprocate, looking for that ultimate form of closeness with you. Seriously, if you want more dreams and other spiritual experiences with your spirit lover, make time for them. It’s insane how quickly the quantity and quality can ramp up if you’re also trying to be more intimate with them through your own actions. Similarly, if you start lowering the amount of interaction and intimacy you deliberately give to them, you’ll find that interactions will become more rare. This seems mechanical rather than them punishing us, though why that is is unclear. In any case, the best results come from meeting them in the middle, when both of you are trying to grow that closeness together.
This is also one reason why people who struggle with having consistent experiences might be having trouble. Many of those people will do the odd ritual for or with their spirit lover (which is an intimacy building activity), get experiences right after doing so for a few weeks, then these will stop and they will end up right back where they started. If those people more readily and regularly interacted with their spirit lovers, even in small or seemingly stupid ways, their relationship could be totally different.
While this may seem like a wide brush to paint with, I think it applies to any spirit that desires a long term, one on one, romantic relationship with a human. This would probably apply to romantic relationships between spirits, but as I’m not a spirit I can’t comment on that authoritatively. Keeping this idea in mind might better explain your spirit lover’s actions, and it does give you something to work towards growing, however close to your spirit lover you already are. That’s the main takeaway from this post, and one of the main goals you will have with your spirit lover going forward, at least for the long term.
I think I’m done with doing the outro thing, so I’ll just leave you with this. Happy Halloween! My blog-posting is going to remain sporadic going forward. I’m kind of just doing it whenever I think of something I want to write about.
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