While I was writing my first personal experiences post, I also took some time to think about all the hurdles I had to overcome early on in the relationship. These hurdles were mostly things I didn’t know going in. I didn’t do any research beyond understanding how the ritual worked before I got started. Why bother; surely it wouldn’t work, right?
So, let’s turn that version of me into a punching bag as we explore five different things that took me by surprise when starting this relationship.
Your Desires Don’t Disappear
When I finally settled into my relationship, I kind of assumed I would stop desiring other women in general. There was this belief I had that I would ‘attune’ to my spirit lover and completely lose interest in human women. Some bloggers even talk about this phenomenon, which encouraged that thought process.
In my experience this is not true. Turns out you’re still human. Your human mind is still going to find other people attractive if it did before. Your spirit lover can satisfy you sexually, but that doesn’t mean your attraction to other people is going to disappear.
If I was aware of this I would have given myself more grace early on in the relationship. Beating yourself up over your feelings doesn’t make you more faithful, and it can harm your relationship. This goes for normal relationships as well.
When you find other people attractive, just recognize that that’s normal and not indicative of you being a bad person. That doesn’t mean you should act on that attraction, just that you have to accept you’ll feel it and be tempted. Temptation by itself is not immoral.
Both Sides Have to Work Hard
There is this idea that it is easy for a spirit lover to interact with us whenever they want to. If only that were true. This is kind of how I imagined it would, and should, work early on. With how spoiled I was with my early experiences, that idea was initially reinforced. Then things slowed down.
Was she losing interest in me? Once I learned to communicate with her consistently, it became clear that wasn’t the case. It turns out that it requires effort for them to interact with us, just as it does for us to interact with them. When things start off slowly or slow down over time, keep in mind that they’re putting in at least as much effort as you are. Meet them in the middle and make sure you’re putting in the effort you can to grow that connection.
Communication is Extremely Challenging Early
Continuing from the above point, communicating regularly with your spirit lover is very challenging early on. I used tarot cards, yes no systems, and coin flips. I spent a lot of time interpreting even the simplest dreams that we shared. I even turned to exterior readers who were kept blissfully unaware of my spirit lover (and weren’t actually very helpful).
You’d think telepathy would solve that problem immediately. It is the first step, but early telepathy also opens the door to a lot of confusion. It takes a fair amount of practice to be able to discern what’s coming from your spirit lover and what is just a product of your own mind.
Oh, and if you decide to regularly work with another spirit in a similar way (including nonromantically), you need to repeat this. I can not stress this enough. It’ll be easier the second time, but you still have to recognize their unique ‘voice’ separately from your mind and your spirit lover. Even when you’ve done it before this takes some time and purposeful effort.
It was a solid six months after I summoned her before telepathic communication was more than an odd burst of a ‘screamed’ word or phrase. It took a few more to actually understand what was her and what wasn’t. If only it was as easy to communicate as I had imagined. Sadly, telepathy really isn’t just a voice in your head.
They Don’t Understand Humans
Imagine an alien race lands on earth for the first time. They had been hovering in orbit for a little while, occasionally looking down upon us to watch as we slowly covered the world in monuments and trash. Would they understand humans, human society, culture, politics, government, etc.? Initially they wouldn’t.
This is basically how it is for spirit lovers. They usually understand a good deal about you as an individual, since you’re their romantic interest. But human society, laws, cultural norms, and so on? They usually don’t know and do not care. Why should they? They don’t live here.
This leads to some frankly comical misunderstandings. One of my favorite, and my spirit lover’s least favorite, stories to tell happened about five months in. At this point I’d accepted her existence. Communication was very weak, and I was subsisting on the odd bit of forced telepathy. I was sitting in my car at about noon in-between university classes. I decided I’d take the time to focus and meditate a bit to see if I could make some communication happen.
As I did, I succeeded in receiving an instance of forced telepathy. So what do you imagine my spirit lover decided she should communicate to me in that situation? It turned out to be four simple words.
“Let’s have sex now”. My meditation immediately ended with a round of howling laughter. She’d propositioned me in public and in broad daylight. Why? Because she didn’t know any better. To her I was just relaxing by myself, and she wanted to spend some intimate time with me. She didn’t realize that having sex in the middle of the day in the parking lot would be extraordinarily inappropriate, despite her invisibility.
There’s been all kinds of stuff like this, albeit not usually as funny. Early on she woke me up in the middle of the night for sexy time, not realizing how important my sleep schedule was. She did not repeat that once I explained it to her. Occasionally she gives me dreams about how she views human society in the world. Politics to her is like a big stupid gameshow (To her credit, this is pretty accurate). Human civilization is like a pig ranch, with humans mucking around and eating all day.
I remember in one case, she showed me that she had learned to write human words. As sweet as the dream was, her writing skills were reminiscent of a four year old. She wrote ‘I luv u’ (yes, that is how she determined she should spell ‘love’ and ‘you’. She was not trying to be cute) across a piece of paper, with the letters all being of different, extremely wasteful sizes. It was scrawled across the page as if she’d never once held a pencil in her life. She never attempted this again, which is a shame because it was very cute.
Not every misunderstanding is so funny. What you have to keep in mind is that this means they won’t see a lot of things that are important to you as important. They aren’t likely to think school or work is important, especially if you hate it. They’re much less likely to see the value in things like going to vote or donating or working hard. They can grow out of these misunderstandings, but it tends to take a long time and some explanation from the human in the room.
This isn’t to say they’re stupid. My spirit lover is extremely intelligent, and most other spirit lovers are intelligent as well. It is only to say that they don’t initially understand these very human things.
They Can and Will Affect You
There was this idea going in that this relationship wouldn’t have a large impact on me, at least above the norm. Sure, I expected that the relationship would affect my spiritual views. I expected that I’d be pulled towards my spirit lover emotionally a little bit as well, as that’s pretty normal in any relationship. What I did not expect was that this relationship could affect me physically and emotionally in pretty extreme ways.
Usually these effects are pleasant. My spirit lover helps me relax and revitalizes me emotionally and physically. Because the connection is energetic, however, when you’re very close to your spirit lover and she gets upset, it can make you very emotional and sometimes even physically ill. I usually refer to the latter as an ‘energetic sickness’.
The worst bout of energetic sickness I’ve ever dealt with happened when I was reading a story with my spirit lover. She’d gotten very into the story and was identifying heavily with the main character. It was some romance story she was enjoying, so I continued to read it with her even though it wasn’t my kind of thing.
Later in the story, the main character shockingly and suddenly gets assaulted. I probably should have stopped reading when I realized what was going on, because I could immediately tell that she was about to have a blow up. Once we made it through the scene, that blow up happened.
She didn’t blame me or get angry with me for what happened. She was just taken aback by what was happening to the character in the story that she had strongly identified with. Her being upset was bad already, but what I did not expect was that her being as upset as she was would make me physically ill.
For three days I suffered from headaches and nausea. I was barely able to sleep and constantly felt like I was going to puke, though I didn’t actually end up throwing up. After that things returned to normal slowly. She hadn’t actually been upset for that long, maybe for an hour or two. The energetic shock that it caused just threw my system out of whack for days on end. This has only happened this way a small handful of times, and only in moments where she has a breakdown like that.
For all the good that the connection causes, there is bad. Don’t piss off your spirit lover for no good reason. She might not mean to make you sick, but whether she means to or not you can get sick all the same. This problem only gets worse the stronger the relationship gets.
Conclusion
Out of all the lessons I learned in the early stages of my relationship, these stick out as some of the most impactful. While it’s easy to imagine these relationships won’t be hard workafter the summoning, the reality is that it’s strictly the opposite. You have to work harder.
Communication isn’t easy, misunderstandings abound, and your own attachment to humanity can act as a hindrance. Human relationships are difficult too, but there’s far more common ground in any one of those relationships than you’ll initially have with your spirit lover.
Go easy on yourself if you fall into these pitfalls or come up against these or other walls early on. It’s only natural that you’re going to have some trouble. No serious relationship is always ideal. I hope my own early struggles will make yours a little easier to navigate.
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